Loss

Music had always been a comfort to me

such a joy that one cannot even begin to explain in words

but one year

the thing I had loved most

had become the cause of all my pain

I lost the one I loved most, due to this music

I lost everything, everyone I had ever cared about

due to music

I would look at the sheets of music littering my bedroom and think

“Why hast thou forsaken me?”

The day I lost the closest person I had

was the day I turned my back on music

I still love it

but I cannot trust it

I cannot run to it for help any longer

for as it has mended me in my deepest of hurt

it has also broken me and brought me to the deepest of depression

never again will I let my heart be so taken by any one thing

that I will let it tear me apart

But that is what hurts me more than anything

not being able to get close to anyone

not being able to have comfort

only living in

fear

of pain

of hurt

of loss

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2 Comments

Filed under Free Verse, Memoir

2 responses to “Loss

  1. jon Raftery

    Really Nice, Ayns…very deep and moving verse and ponderings

  2. Thanks again, jon!
    You might be interested in the story behind the poem.
    This is what really happened, and I’m not too proud of it, but in case you are interested:
    http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Am-A-Musician/1535043

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