Painful Reminders

Every which way I toss and turn, there are fresh, smarting bruises to remind me:

My father got angry tonight.

I don’t listen

I’m not as smart as my sister

I’m not as talented as my brother

I always have my head in the clouds

I spend too much time making music

My room is never clean

I’m too fat

I’m lazy

I’m ugly

I don’t deserve the roof over my head

I ask too much

I never obey him

I’m not the daughter he had always wanted

Why can’t I be as perfect as his other children?

I shouldn’t have been born.

I’ve heard it all before, but still

It makes me cry.

I close my eyes.

I pretend that

I’d actually had enough courage to send the letter hiding in my desk drawer addressed to the man

I wish had fathered me

I imagine that he took pity on me

I imagine that he sent child services to come save me

I imagine that he adopted me

I imagine that he doesn’t yell

I imagine that he wraps me in a big bear hug

I imagine that he loves me

I dream that I’m happy, and for a while,

I am.

Advertisements

13 Comments

Filed under Free Verse

13 responses to “Painful Reminders

  1. OMG! I hope this isn’t real.

  2. It sure sounds real to me.

  3. sad and vivid imagery,
    best wishes.

  4. Brutality honest writing…definitely makes a reader feel the emotions residing behind each and every word…ONE::

  5. powerful writing,

    when emotions hits hard, words fall like waterfall.

    keep it up.
    🙂

  6. This is really sad. If real, I do hope you find healing in your letting it out. Take care.

  7. Oh, I’m so sad for you! I hope that as time passes, your dreams of happiness will become the reality 🙂

  8. nice..is it a figment of imagery or taken from your own life??

  9. A poem fuelled with sorrow/pain always viberates its energy through its words. The emotions which allows you to be crafty.. Good one..!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s