Tag Archives: 2014

My Incapabilities

fucked by a man of steel
and never again
letting my guard down

my heart now stands
in iron bars

and I will wait,
as we all do,
for someone to understand

aching and attempting
to wash away

but all of the water
in the world
and on mars

just isn’t enough
Just
Isn’t
Enough

I want to be touched now
held, don’t you see?

No! God no, not like that!
–and in the blink of an eye
i see them all walk away

my brokenness too much
–yours?
:Just enough.

Robbed, now
Of my ability to love
Be loved

because I was fucked enough for one lifetime

And that’s just who you are
And that’s all that you want
you’re sure I’ll find the right person someday
someday…

But why not today?
And definitely not you
because you want someone
a little less this
and a little more that
and a little less
me
And you
and you
and you…
But I’m sure you’ll find someone someday
to deal with your shit
and who’s just enough broken
for You.
Because we’d all rather write you off
than be patient
or take the time
not to frighten you
not to know you
To know you’re worth it

Because you’re not

not worth the time
not worth the patience
not worth the frustration

not worth it
not worth it
not worth it

I’m so happy

I’m so happy

I’m so happy

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Filed under Blank Verse

Daniel

A friend
I thought
I paid
To hear my crying out
Has left
Has ushered me out
And I
Am lost
And done
And wondering
How
And why
And what have I done
Such a naked feel
ing
that I
that I
Oh I’m
Just too
broken
broken
broken
Breaking down
and out
and done

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Filed under Free Verse

Numbers

I’ve pried open your eyelids
And I’m forcing you to look, now
See?
My loins laid bare before you
All my ineptitude
And the lies

But no–you still don’t see

Do you?

My, my

You’ve wounded a soul or two today

1, 5, 14
1, 17, 14
1, 7, 15, 08
5, 12, 12
3, 2, 12

These don’t matter to you, do they.

Melanie fucking Zimmer

Fucks us all with her pretend lies

It’s not about the numbers
Meaningless to you
It’s
About
Me
Because these numbers
Are
Who I am

And I am nothing
But numbers
To you.

Oh you
Oh you
Oh you

Nothing —

Worthless

Even to me

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Filed under Free Verse

Bound by hurt

You’re my friend
Or you once were
And now we’re very different
I–in my old skin I come to you
The happy me screaming to be free.
A mother lost on Christmas Eve
A funeral shortly after
Dictates I must trap myself
Within myself
To ease your hurt.
We were friends
Or once were
Now we feel more like strangers
As we’ve both changed
For better and worse,
But tragedy creates sisters
Of us all

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Filed under Free Verse, Letter

Coffee Time Again

Relaxing over warm cups of liquid
This, like many time before
Only now we’ve forgotten where and when we met
And the sting of things we left behind
Finally hurts
A little less
More times like this before us
Forgetting how much
We loved where our friendship was born
And now it’s not about
Where we came from
But just the present
And sometimes the future
Let’s hold this moment
On our tongues
For now.

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Filed under Free Verse, Letter

Coke-Bottle

We take pictures of our younger selves
To remember what was here
Only to discover
That maybe it was a love affair after all
With an object
Made for war
And as we listen to the hail
We remember all the things we should have loved
In place of this
Mask of destruction
But it was beautiful while it lasted
And I’m so attached to it still
I’m sitting uncomfortably. I know it wasn’t…
But if think of it clear as day
The decay that it caused me
As my muse inside me
Ignited
Nuclear fission
That caused me to fade away
Starting from within
So I captured the moment on acetate
And threw it in this box
It was supposed to burn
All of my lovely memories
But
{my lover would have wanted}
It saved the remains lying here
And left all that I wish I remembered
Lying cold, forgotten
In the mattress
As the sting of my fault
My fault
My grievous
Most grievous fault
Haunts me still.

I lie in a cold, empty bed.

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Filed under Free Verse

Extroverted or inside out

I’m pulling from the inside out
To give my time to you
And you won’t take it
Or you won’t give it
Unawares of the sacrifice
You’re making me give
Curling up
Away from myself
Drowning in the loneliness
Of now and then
There’s only a finite amount of my time
That can be filled with
“Entertaining myself”
To me
An oxymoron
Forcing me deeper into depression
As Russian literature tries to assuage me
Of all the people I’m missing
People are like healed wounds
And things I never knew I couldn’t live without
My breath taken from me
As I sit by myself
Thinking leads to
Sadness
Depression
A sacrifice I can’t afford
Just be with me?
It’s hard for me
Knowing the opposite is true
And what I ask of you
Is to turn yourself
Inside out
For me.

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Filed under Free Verse, Letter